Year one wrap-up

I just read through most of my blog. The whole point of this was to track my progress over my first year to figure out if this is what I want to do.

Wow. Based on my writing, no.  I've been pretty negative, y'all.  I forgot how much I hesitated to come here in the first place, how much I only considered this a short-term gig in the first place...

I can't do this long term. My negativity is not just immediate, stress based. I've been negative about this job from the beginning.

When I was pondering academia vs non-academic jobs a year ago, I was talking about the negative attitudes in academia if you go to industry and sort of feeling like it would be a failure. I know those attitudes are there, but I don't feel them anymore. I'm okay with it. That is what I need to do.

I'm still waiting to hear what they offer me here for next year, but I hope it will be bad, I think. I want to leave and a bad offer will make it easier to leave. I want to make that decision. I need to make it, soon, to move on with my life.