Dreaming

Now that I'm between semesters, I finally have a little down time to dream. No, of course I shouldn't be lightening up my load, of course not. I should be powering ahead on upcoming courses and research -- at least that's what the pressure of academia tells me. I'm trying to do things my way though, and my way includes a little bit of dreaming.

What am I dreaming about? Don't get too excited, dear Internet. I'm just dreaming about work.

The thing is, I have a few applications out for tenure-track positions and one more I'm considering submitting. The application process is so intense that you can't do this sort of thing without dreaming. For each one I prepare, I dream up a whole new life for myself. I (virtually) explore the city, I "buy" a house, I check out my new neighborhood, I google my new colleagues, I start planning my trip to the campus for the job talk -- because of course I'm going to get invited to each and every campus. I even ponder the decision I will make when each and every one of them offers me a job. Which will I choose, given the university, the city, the real estate market, and the proximity of Starbucks?

I kid you not, I've identified the area Starbucks (or lack thereof) in each and every city I've applied to.

It's going to work this year, isn't it?  I'm going to get my tenure track job?  I'm so, so ready for a little stability.

Please, let this not just be a dream.

End-of-semester wrap up

Well, it looks like I made it through my first semester -- the course part at least. Exams are still to come, but they're ready to roll out.

Thoughts on this semester? I guess I'm proud that I made it through. If I look back a year, yikes, I had no idea where I was going. Even six months ago -- that takes me back to June, before moving and scared out of my mind about teaching. My fall courses seemed completely overwhelming. I was terrified.

I did it.

I did it and it really wasn't that bad. No, my courses weren't great, but I don't think the students realized that, and they weren't really THAT bad either. So, I can count this as success.

The process? Well, I worked by ass off until mid-October, when I hit a brick wall and couldn't do it anymore. I scaled my hours waaay back to something reasonable. And I survived that too. I don't feel great about the effort I've put into the last month or so, but I have been more relaxed, less stressed. That's got to count for something.

Now I need to ramp it up again to prepare winter - although I really don't want to. My winter courses do look rather daunting, but not as much so as my fall courses did back in June. I guess I've sort of figured out the whole procedure. I suspect it'll never feel AS terrifying again, if I stick with it.

If I stick with it... that's still the question. I go back and forth. There's much I like about the job, and a few things I don't like. I'm working on figuring out what I'm willing to compromise on and what I'm not.

I'm also working on getting a job for next year. This one is a contract, remember that, dear Internet?  There are virtually NO jobs posted in my field for next year. My chances are slim. I still haven't heard anything about the prospects of getting renewed where I am now. About that, my feelings are watery and mixed. I'd like to have it as a back-up plan, but this school will only be my backup plan from here on in. It is not a viable long-term option for me. Too many disadvantages here.

So, yeah. I have nothing new to add, really. Just wrapping up the semester and celebrating with a sip of wine.