Career progress update

I talked a lot here about the various directions I've chosen to take in my career, and finally setting a year ago on a job that was so-so, in my general field but not directly, with low status, but at least I get to do basically what I do.

I figured it's time for the one-year update.

I've plugged along in the year doing a lot of administrative work that's pretty so-so and below what I can do, but at times along the way I've had the opportunity to do my thing. I've been able to work on some papers, and writing is what I love to do. I haven't had much opportunity to write, but the little bit I've done has wowed them. And apparently my administration has left them pretty happy too.

Now? They're talking promotion. It's a big institution so it'll take a while to come down the pipeline, but they've recognized that I really am an academic, I really am a scientist behind the administrator, and they can use me in a better way.

They're looking at a status professor appointment with no teaching responsibilities - great! They're looking at how to get me a scientist role of some sort - even better!

It's not exactly my field and a year later I'm still crippled by not knowing the literature, but now I need to take responsibility for that and find a way to get up on the literature, even if it's after hours. I'll monitor this closely and make sure I'm not working myself into burnout, but I do want to put a little effort into the lit so that I can eventually call this area of work mine. Somehow it doesn't fire me up as much as my original area, but I can find nuggets of coolness in it that can spur me on.

So, patience is the lesson. Take an opportunity that's almost good enough, do my thing, show them what I can do, and more opportunities will grow. At least, so they claim. I am hopeful that it will actually happen.

Relationship blues & alcoholism

This blog has been all about job talk, so I feel odd changing the channel. But here it is.

I've been in a relationship for over a year now. It's a good one. It helps confirm that leaving two-bit-town academia was the right thing to do. I'm better with him than I am without him.

But.

Why is there always a but?

He's an alcoholic.

I've googled this to death and I can see no good resolution. I want to find some iota of advice online that tells me how to stick with it, how to keep the good without drowning in the bad. I can't find any. Everything I read tells me to run for the hills.

Alcoholism is only one thing about him. There are so many more things. He's sweet, he's kind, he's loving, he's smart. He's a great companion. He makes me happy.

Except when I wake up in the morning to find him drinking and drunk. That's not okay. I can't handle that.

Is it a deal breaker?  Part of me says yes. Part of me says no -- or wants to say no. A big part of me wants to figure out how I can learn to roll with it so it doesn't kill us. That part is putting the guilt on me for not dealing with it well -- and I know that guilt is classic in alcoholic relationships. I don't deserve that guilt.

But if it's what I have to live with to be with him?

I'm not a teatotaler. I drink. I drink more than I should. I drink WAY less than him. Guilt also comes in there though. I drink, so who am I to say he shouldn't. I drink with him. I drink more than I should. I sometimes get tipsy. I have fun with him when we're both drinking. But then I stop drinking. He keeps going (and going, and going). I feel guilty for drinking with him. I feel guilty for not being understanding enough. I feel guilty for not being good enough. I feel sad that I'm not more important to him than the booze. I feel angry that he won't do anything about it.

I want this to work out. We've got such a good thing going. Alcohol is the ONLY thing coming between us. Other than that, we're great together. We get each other. We belong together.

...but I CAN'T deal with him drunk in the morning.

What do I do, dear internet?