Did I sabotage the interview because I don't want to live there? Because I don't want to teach? Or just because I legitimately suck at this?
I had no time to prepare, but honestly, I could have found a little more time. I just didn't want to. This topic does not interest me and I had to teach a new class in front of a bunch of uninterested first-year students.
Maybe I was too daunted by my real 1st year class that hates me. Maybe I just wanted to make sure I don't get the offer, so I don't have to turn it down and so I don't cave to academic presser and accept the damned thing.
I really do think it's time to step up my non-academic job search. Timing it will be hard. I don't want to leave my college screwed over. People tell me I should take the job non-academic job whenever it comes, even if it means I jump ship mid semester. I would feel really, reallyCobad doing that. But. What do I do? If I've been looking for a good job for months and it finally comes through in October?
Anyway, one step at a time. Clean up my non-a resume and get started. Count this professor thing as a moderate success considering the situation, but not what I choose for myself. Move on.
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