A plan?

Today I feel like I've come down to a plan of action. I don't know if it's just today or if it will stick, but here it is.

I've been feeling sick ever since I was shortlisted at this mid-range college in a two-horse town. Like, really, two horses. Way, way, way smaller than where I'm living now, and this town feels too small for me.  I've been coming up with every reason in the book to not want to do the interview, but the fact is, it's all about location, location, location.

I talked a while back about sacrifice -- about how much I was willing to sacrifice for this job.  I feel like I may be willing to sacrifice THE city of my choosing, maybe even the region of the country of my choosing, but I've decided that I'm not willing to sacrifice city living. I'm a city person. That is where I belong. I will not be happy in a hick town.

So, I do the interview, although it will take me days to fly across the country. I'll discover a state I've never been to and a college I don't know a lot about. I probably won't get the offer, but if I do, I will turn it down Ahhh, I hope I have the courage to do this. But I cannot move across the country to go to that. I just can't.

I've got a few other applications out there in larger places. Well, one in a small place and a few in larger, doable places. If any of those come through, I might go for it. Failing that though, I use the probability of renewal here as a way for me to have the summer or even the next year to look for a job in the city I want to live in.

That job, a year ago, that I came close to getting... I'll send off my info even though they're not advertising. Let them know I'm still interested. Look for other similar positions. I could even move back to that city on a contract, knowing I'll have the contract time to look for something else. If I make it MY city, my HOME, I will be able to find a way to make it work. No, the jobs might not always be perfect, and it might take me a couple years to get it right. It might even be expensive. But I cannot live in hickville, nope, can't do it.

People do it. They jump from contract to contract until the right thing comes up. I do see the occasional contract come up. Surely I can make it work?  It was hard last time, but not unreasonable (I think). In fact, if I had been willing to do the dishonorable thing and jump ship at an inconvenient time for my employer, I might have gotten that job I keep talking about.

If it takes me a year to get there, and another two years to get something stable *gulp*, that's better than a hicktown, right?  The time makes me nervous. I want stability more than I want to breathe, but I want it at home, and for whatever reason, that city feels like home. I'll do the professor thing in a similar and acceptable city, or the whatever-works thing in the city I want. Not the professor thing in hickville.

So, that's the plan. I hope I'm sticking to it.