Purpose, direction, happiness

I feel like I've been at this for a long time. Not the profersorly thing. The life choices thing. Trying to figure out what choices I need to make in order to be happy.  Usually a big part of it has been waiting -- or at least continuing going through the motions until time allows me to get to where I want to be, at which point I will be happy.


My quitting date, so I can go back to school
My school year, so I'm a graduating student
My next school year, so I'm a grad student
My next school year, so I'm collecting data
My next school year, so I'm finishing up
My next year, so I can defend
My next year, so I'm a post-doc
My next year, so I'm a professor

My next year? So I have a stable job, rather than contractual?

Is that what I need to be happy?

Cut the crap, self. Yeah, I want the stable job, but it's just a detail. The big things will still be the same. I will still be me. I will probably still be going through the motions, shooting for something else that's just out of reach.

So the question, I guess, can I be basically happy the way my life is now? Yeah, there are a few tweaks in order, but they're really just tweaks. This is, more or less, the way things will be if I continue on my current route.

Something's missing, of that I'm sure. But maybe all it is is that sense of missingness that really is the human condition. Really, I've got things okay. Things could be better, but they could always be better, just like they could always be worse. Right now, life is okay.

I think.

If this is my career course (which it appears to be) and if this is my personal life (I have no reason to believe that will change, as it's always been pretty much the way it is now), then this is pretty much the way life will be until death or retirement changes it, unless I take some giant leaps to change it.  I don't see the giant leaps happening -- been there, done that, thankyouverymuch.

So, is this life okay? Is this purpose enough? Is my direction right? That is what I ponder, this day.