Waffling. Should I stay or should I go?

It all seemed so clear a week ago. Since then, I seem to have found new perspective, for whatever reason.

The semester is beginning to wind down... or it will be very soon. Already, my workload has lightened up, as I don't have a whole semester looming ahead of me. The rest of the semester is prepped, with a few minor exceptions.

And THIS is what it will usually be like once I have my courses under me.  I'll have my material ready, my ppt prepard, damn, even my exams will be done and ready to roll, with only minor tweaking. It'll be a breeze, comparatively speaking.

If I want to do the professor thing, this is a decent place to do it. Tenure is pretty much a sure thing if you're doing a decent job. That means I could hunker down for the next year or two until things are solid, then the teaching will be a whole lot easier and I can actually do a bit of research, without the pressure of the big colleges. And I can have.... a life!  Ya think?

This city is not what I would choose, but I saw at that job talk that it could be a whole lot worse.  Maybe I can make this work. Maybe I should. Maybe this is what's best for me....

Dizzying. I wish I could stick with a decision.  Of course, if I stick with one decision and can't make it happen, that's not good, so maybe the waffling is a good thing. It means I'm open to many possibilities, and whatever works, works?

I think I'll go buy some waffles.

Short listed

Ah, this is hard. Didn't I mention last year that this is hard??

I'm short listed.

I don't know whether to celebrate or cry.  When am I supposed to prepare a job talk? How am I supposed to travel when I'm supposed to be teaching? Do I really want to move to this place? Do I want tenure track, and hence the possibility of tenure, in THIS location?  Do I really want to put myself through another 18 hour job interview?

Yes, I guess I do. At least, some of it. So, why are my hands trembling?

Someone pour me a drink.

Dreaming

Now that I'm between semesters, I finally have a little down time to dream. No, of course I shouldn't be lightening up my load, of course not. I should be powering ahead on upcoming courses and research -- at least that's what the pressure of academia tells me. I'm trying to do things my way though, and my way includes a little bit of dreaming.

What am I dreaming about? Don't get too excited, dear Internet. I'm just dreaming about work.

The thing is, I have a few applications out for tenure-track positions and one more I'm considering submitting. The application process is so intense that you can't do this sort of thing without dreaming. For each one I prepare, I dream up a whole new life for myself. I (virtually) explore the city, I "buy" a house, I check out my new neighborhood, I google my new colleagues, I start planning my trip to the campus for the job talk -- because of course I'm going to get invited to each and every campus. I even ponder the decision I will make when each and every one of them offers me a job. Which will I choose, given the university, the city, the real estate market, and the proximity of Starbucks?

I kid you not, I've identified the area Starbucks (or lack thereof) in each and every city I've applied to.

It's going to work this year, isn't it?  I'm going to get my tenure track job?  I'm so, so ready for a little stability.

Please, let this not just be a dream.