The job

Remember the job I didn't get a year and a half ago and I've kept talking about ever since? I talked about it here, and here, and a few other places too.

It's the job I nearly got just before getting the professor position. It's the job I've been thinking about ever since. It's the job that gave me (arrogant) confidence when I decided to leave the professor position. It's the only job that I feel really fits my profile. It's the job I really wanted when I settled for the messy one I'm doing now. It's obscure and they have few competitors, none locally in the city I chose.

Tomorrow morning, I have an interview for exactly that job.

Wish me luck, dear internet.

Post-academic crash

I dunno. Did I make the right decision? Shitville was not the place for me. But could I have made it work? Or was I headed down this same path regardless of The Decision.

This blog is still super-anonymous, right? Can I say this stuff here? The two or three real-life people who know who I am (*wave*)... they're okay. I think they all are. Have I shared this with anyone who's not safe? This post might not stay up for long.

So, post-academic crash. That's what I'm in.

A year in review? I was "miserable" in shitville, but I was working, I was engaged, I was busy, I was functional. I made that gut-wrenching decision to move back to sparkling-shiny-city-I-love, and I was on the top of the world. For three weeks. Then I crashed.

No job. No prospects. No life.

Then came the job I got. It's a job. It pays the bills, when I go to it. I'm over-educated and under-qualified. Before taking the job, I believed in what they did. Now that I've seen the inside workings of this organization, I'm aghast that they get the public funding that they do. They don't deserve it. It's a fucking train wreck.

So, what did this job do to my post-academic crash? It sent me spinning out of control.

***edited out***

That, my friend(s), is what happened when I left academia.

I don't know where I'm going from here. I have absolutely, positively no fucking clue where I'm headed from here.

Who am I kidding?  Academia was all I had in my life that worked. And I left it. So here I am, a non-academic, and the bottom has dropped out of my world.

I have a job.

I have a job and I start tomorrow.

It's not my dream job, but it's a job, and it's in my academic area, if not my skill set.

Honestly, I'm over-educated and underqualified for this job. I don't have the experience required to do some of the tasks -- a LOT of the tasks, I fear, and my research skills will not be utilized. God, am I going to miss research.

It's something, though. It's something to try. It can help me gain experience in something that's more marketable than the academic stuff. And, who knows, maybe I'll like it.

My goal when I quit my adjunct position was to move home (check), get a job (check), buy a condo, and develop a life outside of work. It hasn't been the easiest road in the past few months, but objectively speaking, I am on track.

And the adventure continues....

Back to school... without me

So, it's back-to-school season, y'all. This week I would be presenting my syllabi, meeting my students, dressing up and going to work like a real professional, bitching with the profs in the lounge...

Instead, I sit on my sofa and watch the world go by, working piece-meal freelance jobs for total crap pay.

Do I love the city? Yes.
Do I love my current situation? Hell no.
Did I do the right thing? I hope so.

It's hard. There are NO jobs out there for academics. Within academia or without. I don't even get interviews. My skills are not marketable. I've been completely ignored by that company I was counting on, despite a couple of interesting job postings. I've been ignored about other really interesting jobs I would have been happy to do, but that request someone with a master's. I've been ignored by so many companies that it's feeling pointless to even apply.

So I sit on my sofa.

I hated that two-bit town. I had to leave it. I didn't love the job. So what does it all mean?

Was I wrong to quit and move back? No, that can't be it. The mistake must have been earlier. Doing the Ph.D.... an unemployable Ph.D.  Think before you jump. Make sure your Ph.D. is a marketable one. Don't assume you'll be employable because you're educated and good at what you do. The jobs have to be out there.

Too late for me...

Something will come through, eventually. My expectations are changing. I just want something with a decent salary. It doesn't have to be meaningful work in my field (*sigh*). I just need to start getting by...

So, here I am...

So, here I am. I quit academia. I moved back to the city of my choosing. And here I sit, and sit, and sit.

I have no job. I have no clear job prospects. I have few marketable skills. I don't really know anyone here. How was this a good idea??

I mean, I know it was. It had to happen. But. Yeah, I just ain't living the dream right now.

I'm trying to figure out my direction.

I have a possibility of finding a little niche in a community organization I believe in -- a place where I could probably be me, all of me, even the parts of me that I don't publicly acknowledge.  It would probably pay poorly and be an unstable position. Right now, I'm feeling like it's where I need to be. But that might just be because I need something.

The other somethings that come up though? Yeah, I'm not feeling them. The jobs posted that sort of fit my profile are nearly all to work under a PI in an academic setting. So, I'm not leaving academia, but I'm rather putting myself in a position of inferiority to an academic. Shoot me.

There's so little else available, I've been applying to these positions. Maybe I should stop. Right now, I'm feeling like I should put my energies into the potential of a low-paying job in a community organization that feels comfortable, in a place I can be accepted, and even needed. I can contribute there -- really contribute -- but also learn. They wouldn't be able to keep me busy in research, so I would learn other skills. And it would be comfortable, really comfortable.

The pay would probably suck. Did I go in this for the money? No, of course not. But taking a substantial pay cut after a Ph.D., potentially making even less than I did with only a bachelor's, well, that would suck.

Priorities... what are they... still trying to work it all out.

Now what?

So, I quit my professor job. I moved back to the city I consider home. I unpacked (mostly).

Now what?

I don't have a job. I'm not an academic anymore. I am unemployed. I am most definitely burned out. I am not motivated to search for a job. I'm most definitely not motivated to BE the Ph.D. sort of person. I don't have it in me to network and be a fake me.

I kind of just want to flip hamburgers at McDonald's or something. Except I want to be paid well for doing it. *sigh*

I don't know where I'm going, but somehow I have to start doing something.

I'm home.

Yup, it's done. I left my adjunct professor position with a high chance of eventual tenure. I moved home, without a job.

It was the right decision, dear Internet, I have no doubts about that. It was so right, I'm not quite sure if the whole professor thing ever happened at all. It just feels right.

Never mind that I'm unemployed. *ah-hem*
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Yeah, so, the job search.

I have an interview coming up. It's an interview for a contract research position, working under a PI. I already spoke to the PI on the phone and the first thing she asked me was to tell her how wonderful she is. I'm thinking working under a PI ain't going to work for me. The plan was to leave academia. Working under an academic PI is not leaving academia. I've done this before and I have a pretty good idea how it'll work out: I'll be shit on on a regular basis, treated like some kind of moron, not a professional.

I'm going to the interview and putting a decent foot forward, but make no mistake, my friend(s), I'm interviewing them.  I need to decide whether this is the right job or not. Likely not, actually, but it might do for a while, allowing me to pay the rent while I look for something else. Or it might not. We'll see.

And then there's still the job. You know, the non-academic job I applied for over a year ago and have been coveting ever since.  It hasn't been posted again, but a "lower ranked" job at the same company was posted and I applied for it. I haven't heard. And then, today, another job was posted at the same company. This one is, let's say, "middle ranked," meaning I think it's higher than that last one, but not as good as the one I covet.  I guess I need to apply to this one too. I am sort of afraid I'm going to come across as begging for anything at all. Desperation. Really, I just feel like it's pretty close to the only company that would work for me.

There was another one that I applied for. It was flashy and awesome and perfect and I would have loved it. They were looking for someone with a master's, not a Ph.D., which is actually more interesting to me.  I applied when it was posted, then contacted them a couple days ago to give them my change of address. They replied saying they had shortlisted people already and I'm not in.  I could SO have done that job, long term, and been happy. I think it's a case of a boss with a master's not wanting to have a Ph.D. under him.  Dammit, I never should have done the damned Ph.D.

Anyway, I'm home and I'm happy. But, of course, the drama continues while I hunt for a long-term job.  In the meantime, I'll just enjoy being home and let the memories of that two-horse town slip away.