I just read through most of my blog. The whole point of this was to track my progress over my first year to figure out if this is what I want to do.
Wow. Based on my writing, no. I've been pretty negative, y'all. I forgot how much I hesitated to come here in the first place, how much I only considered this a short-term gig in the first place...
I can't do this long term. My negativity is not just immediate, stress based. I've been negative about this job from the beginning.
When I was pondering academia vs non-academic jobs a year ago, I was talking about the negative attitudes in academia if you go to industry and sort of feeling like it would be a failure. I know those attitudes are there, but I don't feel them anymore. I'm okay with it. That is what I need to do.
I'm still waiting to hear what they offer me here for next year, but I hope it will be bad, I think. I want to leave and a bad offer will make it easier to leave. I want to make that decision. I need to make it, soon, to move on with my life.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
...
They're screwing with me again. Every time I think I have things decided, they screw with me. Apparently they can do whatever they want to make my life hell because I'm an adjunct, and adjuncts are willing to put up with anything and everything in order to have their precious job.
I know, I know, dear Internet. You're saying, "he decided". Yeah, I did. But then they screwed with my mind again. They offered me something awesome. Then they took it away again. Then they asked me to just wait.
I hate this two-bit town. But maybe, just maybe, I could make it work if I set myself up right. This job is far from perfect, but it has a lot going for it all the same. If I could make it to tenure and make it mine, I could actually be here long term.
But I hate this two-bit town. Let's be honest, this town doesn't even have two bits. It's a one-bit town. It's dirty and grimy and gross. I have a job though.
I've been shipping out resumes to every semi-okay-ish position in the town I want to be in, for a month now. Nobody has contacted me. Moving back there with no job leads whatsoever scares the shit out of me. How hard is it to get a job from a distance though? Are they reading my resume and saying "yeah, but he's millions of miles away in that one-bit town"?
I need a crystal ball, I need a sign, I need a psychic, I need something to hang on to -- not that I believe in any of that, but oh how nice it would be. Just tell me what to do, dear Internet.
I know, I know, dear Internet. You're saying, "he decided". Yeah, I did. But then they screwed with my mind again. They offered me something awesome. Then they took it away again. Then they asked me to just wait.
I hate this two-bit town. But maybe, just maybe, I could make it work if I set myself up right. This job is far from perfect, but it has a lot going for it all the same. If I could make it to tenure and make it mine, I could actually be here long term.
But I hate this two-bit town. Let's be honest, this town doesn't even have two bits. It's a one-bit town. It's dirty and grimy and gross. I have a job though.
I've been shipping out resumes to every semi-okay-ish position in the town I want to be in, for a month now. Nobody has contacted me. Moving back there with no job leads whatsoever scares the shit out of me. How hard is it to get a job from a distance though? Are they reading my resume and saying "yeah, but he's millions of miles away in that one-bit town"?
I need a crystal ball, I need a sign, I need a psychic, I need something to hang on to -- not that I believe in any of that, but oh how nice it would be. Just tell me what to do, dear Internet.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Jobs, jobs, jobs
How does an academic get a regular job? I've submitted my resume to two dozen non-academic positions in the last two weeks. Some are a good fit, some are a stretch. All are a challenge when I'm trying to figure out the cover letter and resume.
Dear people. I have a Ph.D, but I'm not motivated enough to do a Ph.D. level job, so I'm applying to your undergraduate level job. Maybe I'll like it, or maybe I'll dump y'all as soon as something better comes up. Please hire me anyway. Sincerely, Joe Blow.
Yeah, I haven't gotten any calls yet.
How do I get a regular job.... how, how, how. I really feel like I need something if I'm going to make this big move. I've gotten to the point that I really, really don't want to be here for another year. But I need something to go to.
Of course, the plans for next year here at dead-end college are advancing and I can't tell them I'm (maybe) leaving yet. So, that's stressful. I can't seem to commit to here no matter what happens, because I know that if ever THAT JOB I originally considered comes up, I'm applying for it and taking it (if offered) no matter what time it is in the academic year. October? Oh well, bye bye. So, yeah, that's stressful. I'm feeling dishonest. I really don't want to screw them over. But what else can I do?
Stress level = 110%
End of incoherent, rambling post.
Dear people. I have a Ph.D, but I'm not motivated enough to do a Ph.D. level job, so I'm applying to your undergraduate level job. Maybe I'll like it, or maybe I'll dump y'all as soon as something better comes up. Please hire me anyway. Sincerely, Joe Blow.
Yeah, I haven't gotten any calls yet.
How do I get a regular job.... how, how, how. I really feel like I need something if I'm going to make this big move. I've gotten to the point that I really, really don't want to be here for another year. But I need something to go to.
Of course, the plans for next year here at dead-end college are advancing and I can't tell them I'm (maybe) leaving yet. So, that's stressful. I can't seem to commit to here no matter what happens, because I know that if ever THAT JOB I originally considered comes up, I'm applying for it and taking it (if offered) no matter what time it is in the academic year. October? Oh well, bye bye. So, yeah, that's stressful. I'm feeling dishonest. I really don't want to screw them over. But what else can I do?
Stress level = 110%
End of incoherent, rambling post.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
The shaping of a plan
I mentioned a plan not very long ago. A plan for leaving academia. Now, I need to shape that vague idea into something that can actually work.
How do you quit a good paying job to move across the country to an expensive city, with no job whatsoever?
I need a plan.
This decision is not just about a job. It's about life. This is my new life direction. This place I need to move to -- it is where I will live long term. It is where I will settle and make my life. I hope to come up with a decent job there, I don't need the perfect job right away. If I wait until the perfect job comes up, I'll never get there.
I've started applying to jobs. The fun part is that non-academic jobs are so much easier to apply for. There aren't tons of them out there, but there have been a few. If I keep applying, maybe something will come through for me. Maybe something good. If not?
I finish up this semester, get it all packaged and done, then I do what I have to do to get something, anything, in the place I need to be. I call temp agencies if I have to. A six month contract, a four month contract, something to get me moved there and settled, with a home in a very central location. Then I have time to work on something more solid and stable.
Thinking of the concrete timeline scares me to death. In XX weeks I have to start packing, in XX weeks I have to tell my boss, in XX weeks I have to go find an apartment. Ugh!! I'm not there yet. One step at a time.
So, the current step includes this:
I CAN make this work. For me, for my life, for my own wellbeing. There's more to this than just work. There's stability, there's social life, there's health and happiness. I don't think I can have those here.
How do you quit a good paying job to move across the country to an expensive city, with no job whatsoever?
I need a plan.
This decision is not just about a job. It's about life. This is my new life direction. This place I need to move to -- it is where I will live long term. It is where I will settle and make my life. I hope to come up with a decent job there, I don't need the perfect job right away. If I wait until the perfect job comes up, I'll never get there.
I've started applying to jobs. The fun part is that non-academic jobs are so much easier to apply for. There aren't tons of them out there, but there have been a few. If I keep applying, maybe something will come through for me. Maybe something good. If not?
I finish up this semester, get it all packaged and done, then I do what I have to do to get something, anything, in the place I need to be. I call temp agencies if I have to. A six month contract, a four month contract, something to get me moved there and settled, with a home in a very central location. Then I have time to work on something more solid and stable.
Thinking of the concrete timeline scares me to death. In XX weeks I have to start packing, in XX weeks I have to tell my boss, in XX weeks I have to go find an apartment. Ugh!! I'm not there yet. One step at a time.
So, the current step includes this:
- Finish up the academic term
- Scour the internet for job postings and apply for everything that fits
- Don't panic
I CAN make this work. For me, for my life, for my own wellbeing. There's more to this than just work. There's stability, there's social life, there's health and happiness. I don't think I can have those here.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Leaving academia
Bad news on the academic job front. None of those applications are going anywhere. But here's the real kicker -- it looks like even this hick town, two-bit job I currently have isn't going anywhere. I think it's over.
They have this attitude that new PhD graduates will do anything to get professor experience, and therefore it's okay to give them shitty work conditions, because they'll still be happy to have at least that. Well, that ain't the case for me. I'm not THAT into being a professor. I don't carry the academic snobbery view that only academia is success, that getting a "real" job is a sign of failure. Nope, I don't buy it at all.
The job conditions in my current job just got a whole lot worse. I won't explain why, because I want to maintain anonymity with my one anonymous blog reader (hi there!!). But the conditions just got worse to an extent that it's not really feasible for me to stay here.
And anyway, I don't really want it.
I read this blog, and this post, and while it's not me, I can see it becoming me so easily. The words sound like me. They are what I will become if I try to make academia work. Everything she says -- quantity over quality, work over any semblance of a personal life, never good enough. I hear my voice in that post and I don't want that to become me. So, considering the lack of offers, all my year's worth of mulling it over, and the nose-dive in my work conditions where I currently am, I guess the decision is that I'm leaving.
The tricky part? Finding a new job, of course.
So, here I am, sending out the regular job applications for regular jobs. You know, a cover letter and a two-page resume. Not a hundred pages. Unfortunately, I always look over-educated and under-qualified. Nobody is calling me.
I will move, since the only reason I'm in hickville is for this job. But I have to coordinate the move with, you know, the details of life. I have to find a new job, if only a temporary one in my destination city. I need something though to make the move work from a logistics standpoint (rent, contracts...). I need hope. I'd really like some reassurance that it'll work.
Seriously, something has to be out there for me. Something decent. Can I find it? Can I find a version of it within the tight timelines that life imposes on us?
I so want to get this done. Anyone want to come help me pack?
They have this attitude that new PhD graduates will do anything to get professor experience, and therefore it's okay to give them shitty work conditions, because they'll still be happy to have at least that. Well, that ain't the case for me. I'm not THAT into being a professor. I don't carry the academic snobbery view that only academia is success, that getting a "real" job is a sign of failure. Nope, I don't buy it at all.
The job conditions in my current job just got a whole lot worse. I won't explain why, because I want to maintain anonymity with my one anonymous blog reader (hi there!!). But the conditions just got worse to an extent that it's not really feasible for me to stay here.
And anyway, I don't really want it.
I read this blog, and this post, and while it's not me, I can see it becoming me so easily. The words sound like me. They are what I will become if I try to make academia work. Everything she says -- quantity over quality, work over any semblance of a personal life, never good enough. I hear my voice in that post and I don't want that to become me. So, considering the lack of offers, all my year's worth of mulling it over, and the nose-dive in my work conditions where I currently am, I guess the decision is that I'm leaving.
The tricky part? Finding a new job, of course.
So, here I am, sending out the regular job applications for regular jobs. You know, a cover letter and a two-page resume. Not a hundred pages. Unfortunately, I always look over-educated and under-qualified. Nobody is calling me.
I will move, since the only reason I'm in hickville is for this job. But I have to coordinate the move with, you know, the details of life. I have to find a new job, if only a temporary one in my destination city. I need something though to make the move work from a logistics standpoint (rent, contracts...). I need hope. I'd really like some reassurance that it'll work.
Seriously, something has to be out there for me. Something decent. Can I find it? Can I find a version of it within the tight timelines that life imposes on us?
I so want to get this done. Anyone want to come help me pack?
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